Thursday, 29 June 2017
Saturday, 22 March 2014
All Too Brief
A breath of the freshest air,
A flap of a golden wing,
A glimpse of something rare,
First birdsong in the Spring.
All beautiful in their perfection,
but all too brief in time.
So fleeting in their creation,
Why must we say goodbye?
Candles of radiant light,
Extinguished by the wind
First ray of morning sun,
Starry night brought to an end.
All beautiful in their perfection,
but all too brief in time.
So fleeting in their creation,
Why must we say goodbye?
Rainbow beams between the clouds,
Bluebells bloom, then fade.
Shooting stars beyond the fields.
Joyful laughter ends.
All beautiful in their perfection,
but all too brief in time.
So fleeting in their creation,
Why must we say goodbye?
Wednesday, 19 March 2014
There is Something
There's something on the outside that shows we're happy,
bright eyes and cheesy grin.
And when teeth are chattering with eyes wide open,
it shows how frightening things may seem.
There's something on the outside that says, you're amazing!
gaping mouth and thrown-up hands.
And when brows and knotted and teeth are sneering
It says, there's something I just can't stand!
There's something on the outside that says you're welcome,
Out-stretched hand and smiling grin.
But when mouths turn down and tears are flowing
It shows the terrible state they're in.
There's something on the outside that says, I don't care!
Upturned nose, they couldn't give a hoot.
But those that stop to ask what's the matter,
Show there's something on the inside too.
Thursday, 13 March 2014
Raise a Hand
I could not feed every hungry mouth,
Just those that pass under my hand.
I could not show love to the human race,
Just those that pass under my hand.
I could not wipe away every tear,
Just those that pass under my hand.
I could not help every needy charity,
Just those that pass under my hand.
I could not protect every delicate life,
Just those that pass under my hand.
Not everyone will be fondly remembered,
Just those who cared to raise their hand.
Saturday, 30 November 2013
Going Under part 8 : Dan's Revenge
My descent, of about 10 meters, almost ended in my being impaled, arse first, on a rusted metal panel that jutted out of the sea bed. It was a small part of a old sand dredging ship which was half submersed in sand, just outside Portland Harbour.
This was our last dive of the weekend. For the trainees it was make or break. Screw up now and the 6 weeks of training and study towards achieving our PADI licence would be in vain.
For me, there was more to it than that. I had unfortunately fallen out with one of the junior Dive Masters, named Dan. He had walked into the changing room that morning to find his girlfriend, Kim, another Junior Divemaster, allowing me to inspect her tattoo covered body, in her see-through, pink underwear... You know, I am not even convincing myself here, but it was totally innocent!
He had given me evil looks since that time. Even now, kneeling at the bottom of the seabed next to the wreck I could see his narrow, blue eyes in his mask. I imagined passing shrimp being fried immediately as they crossed the space between us.
The need for levity was satisfied by Stanley, half man, half Greyhound. For comic effect he suffered the misfortune that I had managed to avoid. He came down hard, butt first, on the large triangular panel of metal. Without sound, it's amazing how much eyes give away ones emotions. That and flailing arms and legs. I laughed hard into my regulator. It almost popped out entirely and let in some cold , salty water which I immediately inhaled. It made me cough and splutter. That would teach me to laugh at others misfortune, I thought.
Steve 'Jellie', the chief Dive Master (DM) brought the 5 trainees together with some hand signals. Down the line we went, each signalling in turn our starting tank air. The trainees were buddied up and allocated a DM. I was delighted to be put with 'Jellie' himself. He was a made you could trust. We found a space and went through the final skills and drills: cramp removal, underwater swim with compass, regulator exchange and finally the one we all dreaded, mask removal, then swim, then mask replace.
This was the most awkward to tasks for various reasons. Firstly, without your mask you can't see anything, the world is totally blurred. Those with contact lenses need to keep their eyes shut, but it's not worth opening them anyway. Secondly, one has to master breathing from your regulator and not use your nose at all. This actually comes with practice, but we hadn't had much of that, so the sea water gets right up, into your sinuses and irritates like hell. Thirdly, the bubbles that come out of your regulator don't help one bit: they rush up your nose and make it entirely uncomfortable.
With eyes shut, you can't see the hand signals from the DM, so the signal to remove the mask is given and then without sight or sound you just have to presume your doing the right thing. You begin by flooding your mask and removing the strap. You keep hold of the mask, for dropping that, like losing a fin, will incur serious beer-fines. With mask firmly I hand you tilt forward and begin to swim in as straight a line as you can manage. You just keep going steadily, kicking your legs. The signal to stop is given by touch, one of the few senses still available to you, and you are grateful when it comes as the rising panic that comes with inhaling so much water and coughing continuously into your mouth-piece is almost irresistible. It is not uncommon for novice dives to become overwhelmed by panic and try to make a break for the surface. " That's how you get bent!" One of the DMs told us.
Two taps on the head. Now it's not over yet. The tricky task of replacing the mask and clearing it of water comes next. Tilting the mask and blowing air out hard from your nostrils usually does the trick.
Another double tap on the head to indicate a clear mask and hey presto, it's done! Thank God.
Jellie's large hand was offered to me as I opened my eyes finally. It was the signal that said 'well done'. I was delighted.
Soon we were back in our group and, as promised, at the end of the skills session we were allowed a little, 'free time' to swim around. After a quick air check, I was buddied up with Stanley and off we went to explore the length of the dredger. This felt great, we had all but passed the course and now we we had some freedom to go discover.
Stanley and I swam in touching distance, side by side. Inquisitive small silver fish flashed around our masks and below I could see translucent shrimp darting to and fro over the sea bed. We followed the skeletal hulk of the former proud ship. A ribcage of steel, like the Caracas of some extinct sea monster protruded from the yellow sand. We reached the bow of the ship and turning the corner we saw another diver. They had a string bag attached to their waist in which I could make out a collection of scallop shells. It was Dan and as soon as he saw the two of us approaching he stopped what he was doing and with a swift kick from his fins he had closed the distance between us.
'What now?' , I thought. The my eyes caught sight of what glinted in his right hand. It was a menacing-looking, diving dagger. Stanley and I exchanged a look, he too had spotted the knife and I could see uneasiness in his expression.
We were both relieved when Dan's first act, when he approached us, was to reach down and return the knife back in its ankle holster.
However,we were perplexed when, with free hands, he gave us the kneel signal. We stared at him for a second and he repeated his command, which was unequivocal.
The two us adjusted our BCDs to create negative buoyancy. Air bubbles escaped and we both came to rest on the sea bed.Was Dan going to ask us to help him look for scallops? That was too much to hope for. The guy was an asshole and he was about to take his natural, gift to a new low level.
Dan turned to Stanley and showed him the flat of his hand. It was the signal to 'stay' where he was. Then he turned to me. Those eyes drew level with mine, again they spoke of his intentions. They were filled with dark and wicked mischief. He was clearly savouring the moment. I hoped my eyes were giving away nothing, except , 'Yeah, what?'
Finally, Dan raised both hands and gave the unmistakably mask removal sign followed by swim, my first thought was to say , " But I've already completed that task, and with the Chief DM." Firstly, I didn't know the hand signals that would communicate that sentence and secondly, Dan knew full f***ing well I had already completed it.
I didn't react, I just stared at him. I hated this drill as much as anyone else. He signalled again and his eyebrows knotted together in his mask. 'Bastard!' I thought. I'd show him. I reached for my mask and started the flooding. Water rose up to my nose, then up to my eyes and the last thing I saw before closing them was Dan's eyes. Once again they were wickedly narrow.
The mask was off and a stream of cold bubbles went straight up my nose carrying with them their stingy prickle which hit the back of my throat. I coughed violently through my reg. Nevertheless, I got on with it, with those butterflies of fear and uncertainty riding in my stomach, I tilted my body forward and started to swim slowly. With my head forwards and down the bubbles were less of a nuisance. I focused on my breathing. That was the crucial thing and I kicked slowly on.
'Come on you sod, that's far enough right?' anger welled-up inside me. 'Where's the rap on the head'. It didn't come, I swam on. Still nothing, I had no idea if he was still with me or not. What do I do? Do I stop or keep going? I was no longer scared, but severely pissed off with him.
Tap. Tap.
Thank God. There it was. I immediately stopped and retuned to the kneeling position. The bubbles were back in my face, but I managed, despite everything, to breathe slowly and deeply. I felt around my mask and pulled the strap over my head. I took my time. There's no way I was going to show this idiot that he' d got to me. I took a huge drag of air from my reg and cleared the mask in one long nasal breath, which evacuated the remaining water in my mask.
I blinked expecting to see that nasty expression again, but instead I looked into a mask with held a much more agreeable visage. It was Kim. She was checking the seal around my mask. She signalled 'OK?' and I returned the sign.
She then asked me to follow her, which I did unhesitatingly, then soon realised that Dan and Stanley were no where to be seen. I had no idea what had just happened in the time my eyes were closed. Soon Kim tuned back to me, she looked distracted and concerned. She gave the signal for a slow and safe ascent and together we made our way to the surface.
Stanley was mouthing something to me from the opposite side of the powerboat as we skipped and bumped our way over the surface of the waves at high speed. I couldn't quite make out what he was trying to say to me, but the ' Are you ok?' bit, I understood perfectly.
Dan was alone with Kim at the very front of the boat, but it was far from a romantic Titanic moment. Dan seemed to be desperately trying to explain something to her and she, remaining statuesque, was giving him the cold shoulder, staring straight ahead.
Back in the cafe it was hot drinks all round. Stanley, came up along side me just as I was ordering a second round of unhealthy fried meat in a bread roll. He spoke in hushed tones, " You ok mate? What was that bastard Dan playing at? He just let you swim away. Without a mask! You need to say something to Jellie mate."
"Nah" I said, " just leave it!"
"Then, I'll say something," he was clearly concerned.
"It all turned out ok, Stan. I'm sure it was just his idea of a bit of a joke. He must have known Kim was around."
"I'm not sure about that," said Stanley. "They were just having a blazing row the car park just now."
"Look , " I smiled at him," Forget about it. We've just passed the course mate. Here's to us" I raised my mug of tea towards his and they clunked together.
I didn't want to make a big deal of it, but I couldn't lie to myself, it did bother me. I think the experience had aged me 5 years.
3 weeks later my PADI license was posted through the door. My birthdate was wrong on the card, it made me 5 years younger. ' Bonus' I thought, 'I've got those years back already. :-)
This was our last dive of the weekend. For the trainees it was make or break. Screw up now and the 6 weeks of training and study towards achieving our PADI licence would be in vain.
For me, there was more to it than that. I had unfortunately fallen out with one of the junior Dive Masters, named Dan. He had walked into the changing room that morning to find his girlfriend, Kim, another Junior Divemaster, allowing me to inspect her tattoo covered body, in her see-through, pink underwear... You know, I am not even convincing myself here, but it was totally innocent!
He had given me evil looks since that time. Even now, kneeling at the bottom of the seabed next to the wreck I could see his narrow, blue eyes in his mask. I imagined passing shrimp being fried immediately as they crossed the space between us.
The need for levity was satisfied by Stanley, half man, half Greyhound. For comic effect he suffered the misfortune that I had managed to avoid. He came down hard, butt first, on the large triangular panel of metal. Without sound, it's amazing how much eyes give away ones emotions. That and flailing arms and legs. I laughed hard into my regulator. It almost popped out entirely and let in some cold , salty water which I immediately inhaled. It made me cough and splutter. That would teach me to laugh at others misfortune, I thought.
Steve 'Jellie', the chief Dive Master (DM) brought the 5 trainees together with some hand signals. Down the line we went, each signalling in turn our starting tank air. The trainees were buddied up and allocated a DM. I was delighted to be put with 'Jellie' himself. He was a made you could trust. We found a space and went through the final skills and drills: cramp removal, underwater swim with compass, regulator exchange and finally the one we all dreaded, mask removal, then swim, then mask replace.
This was the most awkward to tasks for various reasons. Firstly, without your mask you can't see anything, the world is totally blurred. Those with contact lenses need to keep their eyes shut, but it's not worth opening them anyway. Secondly, one has to master breathing from your regulator and not use your nose at all. This actually comes with practice, but we hadn't had much of that, so the sea water gets right up, into your sinuses and irritates like hell. Thirdly, the bubbles that come out of your regulator don't help one bit: they rush up your nose and make it entirely uncomfortable.
With eyes shut, you can't see the hand signals from the DM, so the signal to remove the mask is given and then without sight or sound you just have to presume your doing the right thing. You begin by flooding your mask and removing the strap. You keep hold of the mask, for dropping that, like losing a fin, will incur serious beer-fines. With mask firmly I hand you tilt forward and begin to swim in as straight a line as you can manage. You just keep going steadily, kicking your legs. The signal to stop is given by touch, one of the few senses still available to you, and you are grateful when it comes as the rising panic that comes with inhaling so much water and coughing continuously into your mouth-piece is almost irresistible. It is not uncommon for novice dives to become overwhelmed by panic and try to make a break for the surface. " That's how you get bent!" One of the DMs told us.
Two taps on the head. Now it's not over yet. The tricky task of replacing the mask and clearing it of water comes next. Tilting the mask and blowing air out hard from your nostrils usually does the trick.
Another double tap on the head to indicate a clear mask and hey presto, it's done! Thank God.
Jellie's large hand was offered to me as I opened my eyes finally. It was the signal that said 'well done'. I was delighted.
Soon we were back in our group and, as promised, at the end of the skills session we were allowed a little, 'free time' to swim around. After a quick air check, I was buddied up with Stanley and off we went to explore the length of the dredger. This felt great, we had all but passed the course and now we we had some freedom to go discover.
Stanley and I swam in touching distance, side by side. Inquisitive small silver fish flashed around our masks and below I could see translucent shrimp darting to and fro over the sea bed. We followed the skeletal hulk of the former proud ship. A ribcage of steel, like the Caracas of some extinct sea monster protruded from the yellow sand. We reached the bow of the ship and turning the corner we saw another diver. They had a string bag attached to their waist in which I could make out a collection of scallop shells. It was Dan and as soon as he saw the two of us approaching he stopped what he was doing and with a swift kick from his fins he had closed the distance between us.
'What now?' , I thought. The my eyes caught sight of what glinted in his right hand. It was a menacing-looking, diving dagger. Stanley and I exchanged a look, he too had spotted the knife and I could see uneasiness in his expression.
We were both relieved when Dan's first act, when he approached us, was to reach down and return the knife back in its ankle holster.
However,we were perplexed when, with free hands, he gave us the kneel signal. We stared at him for a second and he repeated his command, which was unequivocal.
The two us adjusted our BCDs to create negative buoyancy. Air bubbles escaped and we both came to rest on the sea bed.Was Dan going to ask us to help him look for scallops? That was too much to hope for. The guy was an asshole and he was about to take his natural, gift to a new low level.
Dan turned to Stanley and showed him the flat of his hand. It was the signal to 'stay' where he was. Then he turned to me. Those eyes drew level with mine, again they spoke of his intentions. They were filled with dark and wicked mischief. He was clearly savouring the moment. I hoped my eyes were giving away nothing, except , 'Yeah, what?'
Finally, Dan raised both hands and gave the unmistakably mask removal sign followed by swim, my first thought was to say , " But I've already completed that task, and with the Chief DM." Firstly, I didn't know the hand signals that would communicate that sentence and secondly, Dan knew full f***ing well I had already completed it.
I didn't react, I just stared at him. I hated this drill as much as anyone else. He signalled again and his eyebrows knotted together in his mask. 'Bastard!' I thought. I'd show him. I reached for my mask and started the flooding. Water rose up to my nose, then up to my eyes and the last thing I saw before closing them was Dan's eyes. Once again they were wickedly narrow.
The mask was off and a stream of cold bubbles went straight up my nose carrying with them their stingy prickle which hit the back of my throat. I coughed violently through my reg. Nevertheless, I got on with it, with those butterflies of fear and uncertainty riding in my stomach, I tilted my body forward and started to swim slowly. With my head forwards and down the bubbles were less of a nuisance. I focused on my breathing. That was the crucial thing and I kicked slowly on.
'Come on you sod, that's far enough right?' anger welled-up inside me. 'Where's the rap on the head'. It didn't come, I swam on. Still nothing, I had no idea if he was still with me or not. What do I do? Do I stop or keep going? I was no longer scared, but severely pissed off with him.
Tap. Tap.
Thank God. There it was. I immediately stopped and retuned to the kneeling position. The bubbles were back in my face, but I managed, despite everything, to breathe slowly and deeply. I felt around my mask and pulled the strap over my head. I took my time. There's no way I was going to show this idiot that he' d got to me. I took a huge drag of air from my reg and cleared the mask in one long nasal breath, which evacuated the remaining water in my mask.
I blinked expecting to see that nasty expression again, but instead I looked into a mask with held a much more agreeable visage. It was Kim. She was checking the seal around my mask. She signalled 'OK?' and I returned the sign.
She then asked me to follow her, which I did unhesitatingly, then soon realised that Dan and Stanley were no where to be seen. I had no idea what had just happened in the time my eyes were closed. Soon Kim tuned back to me, she looked distracted and concerned. She gave the signal for a slow and safe ascent and together we made our way to the surface.
Stanley was mouthing something to me from the opposite side of the powerboat as we skipped and bumped our way over the surface of the waves at high speed. I couldn't quite make out what he was trying to say to me, but the ' Are you ok?' bit, I understood perfectly.
Dan was alone with Kim at the very front of the boat, but it was far from a romantic Titanic moment. Dan seemed to be desperately trying to explain something to her and she, remaining statuesque, was giving him the cold shoulder, staring straight ahead.
Back in the cafe it was hot drinks all round. Stanley, came up along side me just as I was ordering a second round of unhealthy fried meat in a bread roll. He spoke in hushed tones, " You ok mate? What was that bastard Dan playing at? He just let you swim away. Without a mask! You need to say something to Jellie mate."
"Nah" I said, " just leave it!"
"Then, I'll say something," he was clearly concerned.
"It all turned out ok, Stan. I'm sure it was just his idea of a bit of a joke. He must have known Kim was around."
"I'm not sure about that," said Stanley. "They were just having a blazing row the car park just now."
"Look , " I smiled at him," Forget about it. We've just passed the course mate. Here's to us" I raised my mug of tea towards his and they clunked together.
I didn't want to make a big deal of it, but I couldn't lie to myself, it did bother me. I think the experience had aged me 5 years.
3 weeks later my PADI license was posted through the door. My birthdate was wrong on the card, it made me 5 years younger. ' Bonus' I thought, 'I've got those years back already. :-)
Going Under Part 7: The Tattooed Girl
The powerful motor boat tore over the Weymouth waves, sending up icy spray into our faces to prick at our skin. If we had not been awake before this, at this unGodly hour we were now.
All the trainee divers held onto short bungie ropes, attached to a centre rail in the boat, for dear life. Sometimes the boat would climb a ramp of a wave before dropping down hard. The jolt was bone crunching. We were all sat on the outside rubber of the small, 20ft open topped vessel. We were already fully equipped for diving, in case we toppled in, with heavy tanks of air facing outwardly. The Dive Masters had done this many items before, of course, small powerboats like this were ideal for diving from and the skippers made good money from chartering the boats out to dive clubs like ours.
Pete, the Skipper, clearly loved his job. He stood at the wheel sharing a 'remember the time when...??' story with Steve, who was known as Jellie, and was chief Dive Master and team leader. They had to shout to each other to be heard over the deafening growl of powerful engine at full throttle. Occasionally they would laugh heartily or glance back together and chuckle at the sight of the 5 trainee divers being tossed about like beads of sweat in a aerobics coach's bra, and clinging for dear life to the vaulting vessel.
They were the only ones laughing. The trainees were anxious about what was to come, my eyes skipped between them.They all sat deep in their own thoughts. Then there was Kim, one of the DMs, an attractive girl in her early thirties. She smiled over at me I looked away immediately. Next to Kim was.... Oh dear. Dan's gaze could burn glass. He stared at me unflinching. Dark and brooding. 'What's that guys problem',I thought. 'Surley, he's not pissed off about earlier, is he? ' ....'I guess he is.'
No more than an hour earlier we had arrived at Portland harbour at dusk. Four cars brought us all to the quiet and sleeping water side car park, next to the dockyard. There was a cafe and, despite being this ungodly hour, it was open.
Most of the guys took the opportunity to get a hot brew down them before we started. Some others unloaded their equipment. Myself and a overexcited Greyhound of a man, called Stanley, decided we'd get changed immediately into our wetsuits and focus on keeping warm afterwards.
Next to the cafe was a toilet and changing room area. Just the one toilet and just the one adjoining changing space. The two of us took hoods, suits, jackets boots and gloves through the door. Stanley sized up the situation and decided that he did not want to get changed in the small space with me, being the prudish chap he was no doubt, so he decided to use the toilet to change in.
Before long I was frantically tugging my wet suit up over my legs, like trying to wrap a condom around a turkey, when the door open and Kim entered carrying her dry suit on a hanger. She tried the toilet door. "Stanley's in there", I offered, " I think last night's curry didn't agree with him".
She looked disgruntled for a second and then turned to me. " Well, there's enough room in here, I suppose" . She hung her hanger on a peg then as she pulled her rucksack from her shoulder. She paused for a second and looked back at me. "You ok with this?"
"Yeah," I replied. Not knowing exactly what I was ok with, but I soon got the idea.
Putting on my wet suit got no easier as I hastened to finish changing and get the hell out of there.
As Kim peeled off her clothes I turned to face the bench where my open bag lay and I stared fixedly at it while pulling a stiff sleeve over my shoulder.
She was making small talk with me, but I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that her fleece sweater was still on, but, bugger -the trousers were off! Something caught my attention, I glanced over ever so briefly, - electric pink underwear!? You're kidding me?
Attention back on the bag, Rich! -I told myself, but wait a minute, weren't they?...... instinctively I glanced over again. Bloody hell, they were, they're see-through! I must have turned scarlet!
Thank God prudish Stanley wasn't out here, he'd have keeled over.
She was still talking to me, relaxed, calm, friendly.
With the wetsuit finally on, head down, I started to pack my bag and prepare for my exit. Then I became aware the fleece had dropped down onto the bench next to me. I picked up my bag to go. I turned and saw it.
I wasn't expecting that.
All thoughts of averting my gaze respectfully fell away suddenly. I stared at her and without thought the words were out of my mouth, "Oh my God, Kim!"
Her back was still facing me and the entire expanse of flesh was covered in a vivid and elaborate, tattoo montage; there were mermaids at play, a sunken ship, tropical fish, an octopus with tentacles that wound there way along her upper arms, a sun, surfers, dolphins and sharks. It was truly a beautiful work of art.
"That's amazing!" I said.
"Do you like it?" Kim half turned. "It was bloody painful and expensive, but was worth it in the end".
"How long did it take to do?" I was truly impressed and honestly interested.
"About two years. I needed to save up in between sessions. It's all by the same artist, I kept going back to this guy in Bristol. He's amazing and does quite a few footballers and celebs."
"Which one is your favourite then? " she turned to face me. Strangely, it seemed not to matter anymore that she was only standing in her pink underwear.
The whale on her bicep I had not noticed before. She lifted her arm close to my face and flexed her muscle. The whales head bulged and his eye widened and closed on each flex, " It's my party trick",she laughed. I laughed too. That was until she lowered her arm. The space just beyond it was now filled with an grotesque face, gurning at me . It was Dan, Kim' boyfriend.
Oops.
"I-it bulges!" was all I could splutter.
"I bet it does!" Dan returned in an guttural growl.
" I was just showing Rich my tats." Kim interjected, dismissively.
I prayed Dan had not misunderstood what she had just said, as I had just done.
Dan turned to Kim crossly. " What the hell are you changing out here for? Why don't you use the toilet?"
" There's someone in there, obviously", Kim replied. And at that moment there was a clicking sound and the toilet door half opened, we all turned as one. Stanley's head poked out. His eyes passed between the three of us briefly before disappearing back inside - the lock clicking firmly shut once again.
So that's what Dan's got the hump about . A simple misunderstanding. Totally innocent. But Dan's glare across the boat at me told me he was deeply pissed off with me. There's was nothing I could say that could help.
The boat made it's way out of Portland Harbour and over the remains of H.M.S. Hood, which was scuttled and sunk across the entrance of the harbour during the Second World War to stop submersed U boats from entering the harbour and making easy pickings of the Royal Navy and merchant craft moored up there.
Although less glamorous, Jellie had promised us a wreck on the last dive of the Open Water diving course. It was the wreck of an old dredger, which sank after it got into difficulty whilst constructing the harbour wall. We arrived at the spot and the out-board motor turned from roaring dragon to purring like a cat.
We went through the final checks with Jellie. The other Dive Masters, Dan and Kim, had already tipped backwards into the water. None of the five of us had done this sort of entry before, it was something a few were dreading.
"I don't want to do this?", Lorna was sat next to me as the call of 'Regs in!' was given by Jellie.
"You'll be fine!" was, pathetically, all I could offer as reassurance before clasping my lips over my regulator. It's an odd thing, but I have found whilst doing this dive course that I seemed to take strength from other people's fears and self-doubts, or at the very least, I used it as a distraction from my own dark thoughts.
One of those thoughts was the disturbing dream I had given myself last night. I had dreamt I was deep under the water and drowning. Not the thing you want to be doing the night before your first open sea dive. I dreamt that my frantic fear of not being able to breathe soon gave way to a more calm and relaxed experience once Rea, a former pet, a beloved family Alsatian from my youth, appeared and joined me in the still and silent deep.
I woke sweating in the sheets of my room at the B&B. I cursed myself in the bathroom mirror for inflicting upon myself such an hideous nightmare and for losing valuable rest time. It was 4am and we needed to be dock side by 6am.
"I will call your name and count to 3. If you don't go on 3, you won't go in!" warned the Dive Master. "It's important to get a positive start to build confidence, so who wants to go first?"
There was much adjusting of masks and BCDs, but no one spoke.
"Right then!" continued Jellie. " I know who won't let us down. Ready Rich?"
My head shot up. I couldn't believe he chose me. My self belief was given a new boost. I was ready and told him so.
"3....2....1...GO!" I'd seen it so many times on telly, now here I was unhesitatingly throwing myself backwards off a boat and into the sea. There was a brief moment of disorientation, but the drills training took over and I remembered what I must do first. I immediately surfaced, turned and signal to the boat crew. The hand on my head told them I was fine.
Then a sloosh of ice-water , evading my wetsuit's defences, shot down the back of my neck, cascaded down my spine, and found a new home in the fjord of my bum-crack.
Fortunately, the regulator in my mouth muffled my cursing.
Before long, with the whole dive-team were in the water, it was time to descend. I hoped and prayed that things would be fine and that the dive would go smoothly .....yeh, like hell it would...... Final instalment soon, Dan's Revenge.
All the trainee divers held onto short bungie ropes, attached to a centre rail in the boat, for dear life. Sometimes the boat would climb a ramp of a wave before dropping down hard. The jolt was bone crunching. We were all sat on the outside rubber of the small, 20ft open topped vessel. We were already fully equipped for diving, in case we toppled in, with heavy tanks of air facing outwardly. The Dive Masters had done this many items before, of course, small powerboats like this were ideal for diving from and the skippers made good money from chartering the boats out to dive clubs like ours.
Pete, the Skipper, clearly loved his job. He stood at the wheel sharing a 'remember the time when...??' story with Steve, who was known as Jellie, and was chief Dive Master and team leader. They had to shout to each other to be heard over the deafening growl of powerful engine at full throttle. Occasionally they would laugh heartily or glance back together and chuckle at the sight of the 5 trainee divers being tossed about like beads of sweat in a aerobics coach's bra, and clinging for dear life to the vaulting vessel.
They were the only ones laughing. The trainees were anxious about what was to come, my eyes skipped between them.They all sat deep in their own thoughts. Then there was Kim, one of the DMs, an attractive girl in her early thirties. She smiled over at me I looked away immediately. Next to Kim was.... Oh dear. Dan's gaze could burn glass. He stared at me unflinching. Dark and brooding. 'What's that guys problem',I thought. 'Surley, he's not pissed off about earlier, is he? ' ....'I guess he is.'
No more than an hour earlier we had arrived at Portland harbour at dusk. Four cars brought us all to the quiet and sleeping water side car park, next to the dockyard. There was a cafe and, despite being this ungodly hour, it was open.
Most of the guys took the opportunity to get a hot brew down them before we started. Some others unloaded their equipment. Myself and a overexcited Greyhound of a man, called Stanley, decided we'd get changed immediately into our wetsuits and focus on keeping warm afterwards.
Next to the cafe was a toilet and changing room area. Just the one toilet and just the one adjoining changing space. The two of us took hoods, suits, jackets boots and gloves through the door. Stanley sized up the situation and decided that he did not want to get changed in the small space with me, being the prudish chap he was no doubt, so he decided to use the toilet to change in.
Before long I was frantically tugging my wet suit up over my legs, like trying to wrap a condom around a turkey, when the door open and Kim entered carrying her dry suit on a hanger. She tried the toilet door. "Stanley's in there", I offered, " I think last night's curry didn't agree with him".
She looked disgruntled for a second and then turned to me. " Well, there's enough room in here, I suppose" . She hung her hanger on a peg then as she pulled her rucksack from her shoulder. She paused for a second and looked back at me. "You ok with this?"
"Yeah," I replied. Not knowing exactly what I was ok with, but I soon got the idea.
Putting on my wet suit got no easier as I hastened to finish changing and get the hell out of there.
As Kim peeled off her clothes I turned to face the bench where my open bag lay and I stared fixedly at it while pulling a stiff sleeve over my shoulder.
She was making small talk with me, but I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that her fleece sweater was still on, but, bugger -the trousers were off! Something caught my attention, I glanced over ever so briefly, - electric pink underwear!? You're kidding me?
Attention back on the bag, Rich! -I told myself, but wait a minute, weren't they?...... instinctively I glanced over again. Bloody hell, they were, they're see-through! I must have turned scarlet!
Thank God prudish Stanley wasn't out here, he'd have keeled over.
She was still talking to me, relaxed, calm, friendly.
With the wetsuit finally on, head down, I started to pack my bag and prepare for my exit. Then I became aware the fleece had dropped down onto the bench next to me. I picked up my bag to go. I turned and saw it.
I wasn't expecting that.
All thoughts of averting my gaze respectfully fell away suddenly. I stared at her and without thought the words were out of my mouth, "Oh my God, Kim!"
Her back was still facing me and the entire expanse of flesh was covered in a vivid and elaborate, tattoo montage; there were mermaids at play, a sunken ship, tropical fish, an octopus with tentacles that wound there way along her upper arms, a sun, surfers, dolphins and sharks. It was truly a beautiful work of art.
"That's amazing!" I said.
"Do you like it?" Kim half turned. "It was bloody painful and expensive, but was worth it in the end".
"How long did it take to do?" I was truly impressed and honestly interested.
"About two years. I needed to save up in between sessions. It's all by the same artist, I kept going back to this guy in Bristol. He's amazing and does quite a few footballers and celebs."
"Which one is your favourite then? " she turned to face me. Strangely, it seemed not to matter anymore that she was only standing in her pink underwear.
The whale on her bicep I had not noticed before. She lifted her arm close to my face and flexed her muscle. The whales head bulged and his eye widened and closed on each flex, " It's my party trick",she laughed. I laughed too. That was until she lowered her arm. The space just beyond it was now filled with an grotesque face, gurning at me . It was Dan, Kim' boyfriend.
Oops.
"I-it bulges!" was all I could splutter.
"I bet it does!" Dan returned in an guttural growl.
" I was just showing Rich my tats." Kim interjected, dismissively.
I prayed Dan had not misunderstood what she had just said, as I had just done.
Dan turned to Kim crossly. " What the hell are you changing out here for? Why don't you use the toilet?"
" There's someone in there, obviously", Kim replied. And at that moment there was a clicking sound and the toilet door half opened, we all turned as one. Stanley's head poked out. His eyes passed between the three of us briefly before disappearing back inside - the lock clicking firmly shut once again.
So that's what Dan's got the hump about . A simple misunderstanding. Totally innocent. But Dan's glare across the boat at me told me he was deeply pissed off with me. There's was nothing I could say that could help.
The boat made it's way out of Portland Harbour and over the remains of H.M.S. Hood, which was scuttled and sunk across the entrance of the harbour during the Second World War to stop submersed U boats from entering the harbour and making easy pickings of the Royal Navy and merchant craft moored up there.
Although less glamorous, Jellie had promised us a wreck on the last dive of the Open Water diving course. It was the wreck of an old dredger, which sank after it got into difficulty whilst constructing the harbour wall. We arrived at the spot and the out-board motor turned from roaring dragon to purring like a cat.
We went through the final checks with Jellie. The other Dive Masters, Dan and Kim, had already tipped backwards into the water. None of the five of us had done this sort of entry before, it was something a few were dreading.
"I don't want to do this?", Lorna was sat next to me as the call of 'Regs in!' was given by Jellie.
"You'll be fine!" was, pathetically, all I could offer as reassurance before clasping my lips over my regulator. It's an odd thing, but I have found whilst doing this dive course that I seemed to take strength from other people's fears and self-doubts, or at the very least, I used it as a distraction from my own dark thoughts.
One of those thoughts was the disturbing dream I had given myself last night. I had dreamt I was deep under the water and drowning. Not the thing you want to be doing the night before your first open sea dive. I dreamt that my frantic fear of not being able to breathe soon gave way to a more calm and relaxed experience once Rea, a former pet, a beloved family Alsatian from my youth, appeared and joined me in the still and silent deep.
I woke sweating in the sheets of my room at the B&B. I cursed myself in the bathroom mirror for inflicting upon myself such an hideous nightmare and for losing valuable rest time. It was 4am and we needed to be dock side by 6am.
"I will call your name and count to 3. If you don't go on 3, you won't go in!" warned the Dive Master. "It's important to get a positive start to build confidence, so who wants to go first?"
There was much adjusting of masks and BCDs, but no one spoke.
"Right then!" continued Jellie. " I know who won't let us down. Ready Rich?"
My head shot up. I couldn't believe he chose me. My self belief was given a new boost. I was ready and told him so.
"3....2....1...GO!" I'd seen it so many times on telly, now here I was unhesitatingly throwing myself backwards off a boat and into the sea. There was a brief moment of disorientation, but the drills training took over and I remembered what I must do first. I immediately surfaced, turned and signal to the boat crew. The hand on my head told them I was fine.
Then a sloosh of ice-water , evading my wetsuit's defences, shot down the back of my neck, cascaded down my spine, and found a new home in the fjord of my bum-crack.
Fortunately, the regulator in my mouth muffled my cursing.
Before long, with the whole dive-team were in the water, it was time to descend. I hoped and prayed that things would be fine and that the dive would go smoothly .....yeh, like hell it would...... Final instalment soon, Dan's Revenge.
Sunday, 17 November 2013
Going Under Part 6: And Then There Were Five
To wait 5minutes for someone your are expecting to arrive can not be considered a big deal, even by the most impatient. However, the context of the waiting is entirely key in this. Setting plays a big part too.
Take the situation I recently found myself in. I was not alone, but with someone I had not known very long, a nice girl called Lorna. We were both kneeling, shivering and holding hands, for reassurance purposes. The person we were waiting the 5, or so, minutes for had led us 18 metres straight down narrow shaft, in a flooded and disused stone quarry, and abandoned us to the cold and the dark.
'They're ought to be a bloody good reason for this', I thought to myself. Bravado was my only way of generating a little body heat. Despite the wetsuit , it was cold.
There was, so it happened, a very good reason for the wait. One of the trainees following us down the shaft had panicked. Be it brought on by a overwhelming and irresistible attack of vertigo or claustrophobia, the result was that poor Alan had made a dash for the surface at 10 meters down with Dan, one of the Dive Master team, frantically hanging onto his legs to stop him ascending too quickly. This can be extremely risky as divers can suffer the effects of decompression sickness, otherwise known as the 'bends'.
The remaining trainees with the dive masters (DMs) had returned to the open shaft, their torches, coming down through the gloom, were a welcome sight for Lorna and I. Jelly, the lead DM, then organised everyone together and we went thought our skills and drills. If any of us were to pass and qualify for PADI Diving licence then we needed to prove we could carry out all the necessary tasks under water.
Fin pivots, flooded mask clearing, using alternative air sources, and controlled ascents were some of the things we needed to prove we were competent at. All under the scrupulous gaze of the DMs, through the kicked-up silt and gloom.
Despite the fractious start it was a good session not just for myself, but for the remaining trainees.
Back at the surface I passed my tanks, jacket and fins up to Kim, another of the DMs, before making slow progress up the iron ladder from the water hampered by a sodden and constrictive wetsuit. Before I got to the top I could hear raised voices.
It was policeman-Dan. Still in dripping in his dive gear, he stood, leaning menacingly over someone who sat in front of him on the bench. A condescending, finger jutted back and forth. ' I don't care if you want to get yourself bent, but next time I will leave you to it!'
At the time I had no idea what was going on. I had no knowledge of what had happened to Alan, but I was now piecing things together.
'If you thought your weren't up to this Alan , you should have f***ing said something before put our lives at risk!" Dan continued his rebuke the forlorn Alan, until Jelly interjected.
"That's enough, Dan!" The big man's words sounded like a drum.
Dan, red faced and spitting, turned to face Jelly, " I'm not having this Steve ..."
"ENOUGH!" The senior DM showed him the flat of his hand hand to accentuate the point. It may have been instinctive, but the hand signal meant STOP, even at the surface.
Dan, shot a look at his partner Kim who now had a grip on his upper arm. He wrenched his arm away and stormed off, head steaming in the cold air. We all looked on, many open mouthed.
Jelly watched Dan go before turning to us. He suddenly, looked drained. " We're calling that a day guys".
"Tomorrow we're diving off Portland. Go fill your tanks and make sure you don't leave any of you kit behind."
Almost apologetically he turned to the figure who had been motionless throughout. "Alan grab yourself a brew, we need a chat". Childlike, Alan stood, uneasily and then moved through us, like a ghost, making no eye with any of us.
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